Sleepy Thoughts.

It’s midnight and Nate is asleep on the couch next to me. We’re cozied under blankets in the quiet, the glow of the “Play Next Episode” Netflix screen for Mad Men and my white twinkle lights over the kitchen cabinets lighting the downstairs area. Today I cleaned this entire half of the house and brought out all of my Spring decorations. The changing of our scenery with the seasons has become one of my favorite things about having our own place. This June will mark two years of marriage and home ownership. Two years of being out on our own, for the first time for both of us. It hasn’t been easy all of the time, but honestly - it hasn’t been that hard either. A good mix somewhere in the middle I suppose. We’ve definitely come far from the first time Nate tried to do dishes and put regular dish soap in the dishwasher. Hahah.. ;] But not far enough that I didn’t just recently purchase LAUNDRY detergent tabs on accident and use them in the dishwasher for a week or two wondering why in the hell our food tasted like what I always thought clean laundry would taste like. AH HA- I think I one upped him. Possible chemical poisoning > kitchen floor full of bubbles. I win!

I’ve been quiet lately, for lack of a better word. Maybe “still” is more accurately descriptive. Just taking it all in, whatever comes our way. Good or bad- with less emotion to either because I could always stand to tone it down a little in that area! Sometimes I’m still in total shock that I’ll be twenty-five this year. I pinch myself, am I really married? As Ashley would say, IS THIS REAL LIFE?! And it is. It IS real life, and my totally silly teenage years seem like they were all a dream. Because I’m so old now, you know? ;] But it does truly feel like that sometimes. I’m really looking forward to one day being 40 and reading back on this blog post with a horrified look on my face. I’ll cringe at how I thought we were so busy and had no time for ourselves, when in reality we were so carefree and didn’t even notice! I’ll laugh at how I thought we would only have one kid now that we have 5! …. Just kidding. One sounds like a nice number, but I always follow that thought with.. “Oh, but maybe two..” I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy being an only child though, so we’ll see.

It’s hard to think about being a parent. I suppose in the same way that being married and out on our own seemed like such daunting uncharted territory, but now here we are. Total pros at being adults! (Ha!!!) I think it’s different though. It’s just so hard to imagine right now, but then one day- it will be so hard to remember when it was just the two of us. It’s quite a ways down the road, but I feel like it will be here before we know it. We’re already nearing the end of March 2012 and I feel like we just celebrated Christmas! I honestly feel like I may miss Summer altogether if I blink, so I’m keeping my eyes open. I’m looking intently and paying attention to all of the good things. I’m working on my lists of goals that I tend to make and never look at again. I’m realizing that time is just like, this weird measurement of something that can’t really be measured. We make it mathematical and we look at the clock and we see the sun go down and we see it come back up- we call it a day. We accept that there are 365 days in a year, 7 days in a week, and 24 hours in a day.. but to me it all just runs together. Does that make sense?

Ramble, ramble! Well, it’s bed time for sure. My eyes keep shutting for seconds at a time and I may just nod off any moment. It’s frustrating that I can’t just fall into bed- I have to take off my makeup, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, put my retainers in. I’m sooo whiny, aren’t I? But Nate can just brush his teeth and crawl into bed. I guess if I wanted to have acne, crooked teeth, and an eye infection I could do that too.

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2 thoughts on “Sleepy Thoughts.

  1. This was very insightful, Steph! When the time is right, you and Nate are going to be wonderful parents - whether it's to one baby or 5. ;) Until then, I know what you mean by the time flying by… it seems that way for me lately too - all running together.

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  2. I totally needed this post, so thank you so much. I'm graduating high school this year and sometimes it just feels like I'm never going to get to do anything with my life. I just needed a reminder that things will change eventually, and I need to enjoy where I'm at right now and not rush into a something I'm not ready for what.

    Thank again. :)

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