If We’re Being Honest: Grief & Loss

I used to have a blog that was fairly low on the radar of the people I knew in real life - friends, family, coworkers, etc. It used to be a little bit easier to just curl up with my laptop in my PJs after a long day and type out a post full of raw emotion and slap it up on the internet. I suppose it’s just always been easier for me to tell a readership of strangers what I’m thinking. There have been a few changes since that time in my life though - you know, the angsty teenage years of writing deep and meaningful posts on the internet. For the most part, I just plain don’t have a lot to gripe about anymore. My blog is an upbeat place where I share snapshots of my life and my life is pretty good most of the time. But sometimes it’s not so picture perfect and I think it’s good to share that side of life too.

Yesterday came and it went like all of the other days that have come and gone since my father-in-law passed away but for some reason it’s harder to see that date again, that time on the clock - one full year. I don’t think you can fully grasp the reality of time until you loose someone. The hours seem to pass at warp speed and life can become a weird countdown of days, months, and years if you let it consume you. I lost my dad when I was 11, along with several other close family members shortly before and after that. I’ve been able to find peace in those experiences as I’ve gotten older. I can tell how loss has shaped me and made me hyper aware of every single second. It’s given me the ability to be fully present in a moment and recognize it for all of it’s beauty; to be able to watch a perfect memory forming right before my eyes. Sometimes I just stop and think right in the middle of it all, “We’ll always remember this.” This is one of the many reasons I feel the constant need to take photos - the need to remember the little things or the thought that one little picture could become so valuable to someone if there’s ever a time when that’s all they have left to remember someone by. It sounds a little dark and maybe it is but I’ve become so thankful for this awareness.

It’s really easy to stand still in grief - to become angry, to refuse to recognize all that you still have. We aren’t built to see what we have, only what we’ve lost. But I refuse to live that way. I wont go through life feeling like I’ve been robbed - I just wont. That’s not to say I wont ever be sad or ungrateful or have a bad day - that’s life. But overall, I want to be the kind of person who sees the silver lining. I want to be slow to speak negative or angry words. I don’t want to rush or be in a hurry. I want to be truly thankful to be alive. Because if we’re being honest, we just don’t have any idea how long we’ll be here. So why would we waste it?

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3 thoughts on “If We’re Being Honest: Grief & Loss

  1. Wow, a year. Photographs are just the best way to hold onto special moments, and you've inspired me to sling my camera around a lot more often. Rosie x

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  2. I can't believe it has been a year!

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  3. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for both of you. It does change you, but there is strength and wisdom to be gained from loss too.

    With Lauren’s dad terminally I’ll, I’m thinking about it a lot these days…hope I will be able to find the same strength and wisdom you have.

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