Aerial Silk Diaries: If It Scares You, Do It.

Tonight at 6pm I will be performing an aerial silk routine along with several other (extremely talented) ladies. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I still feel a little unprepared, but I think that’s the perfectionist in me. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that it is relatively impossible for anyone in the audience to detect whether or not I am executing my routine absolutely perfectly. I also take comfort in the fact that my instructor has seen me run through it several times and I know she would be honest if it looked dreadful. ;]

When I first found out about the showcase I couldn’t even entertain the thought of being in it. I’m still so new at this. I never want to show anyone something I’m working on until it’s flawless. I take myself public embarrassment very (way too) seriously. But I started to watch the other ladies work on their routines and it looked like so much fun. Everyone was being helpful and encouraging to one another. What was I afraid of? Having fun? Making friends? I decided to put my name down on the list. I changed my song 3 or 4 times, was still putting my routine together long after everyone else, threw a few pity parties at practices, and bought my outfit the day before the show. Yes, yesterday. And tonight I am going to do my best, have fun, and enjoy the experience.

I’ve realized that life is all about the journey. It’s not about getting from point A to point B as fast as possible. It’s not about trying something new and being immediately fantastic at it. It’s about persistence, hard work, and confidence. It’s about realizing that wasting time comparing yourself to anyone else will crush your spirit faster than anything. It’s about starting at point A and appreciating everything it takes to get to point B.

Wish me luck tonight!

I’d like to introduce all of my readers (read: my family and friends) to the huge rut I’ve been in. If you have visited my blog in the last few months or so you’ve probably already met, sort of. Like in one of those awkward situations where you should introduce yourself confidently to the new person you’ve just met, but instead you just make shy/weird eye contact. Yeah. But I’m glad I can finally and formally introduce you.

I’m not giving up on blogging. I’m not. I won’t. I’ve seen so many people talk about how so and so (blogger) should just hang it up already, quit while you’re ahead, etc. I’ve let so many little opinions on other people, which have nothing to do with me, trip me up and stop me from writing or sharing something I like or think. There are several posts that are 99% complete sitting in my draft folder. I’ve come into this space a thousand times promising that I’m “so inspired” and I have “so many ideas” and then I don’t post for a month. Some days I feel like, yeah – I could share anything here. I want to write my heart out, share experiences, and connect with others. Other days, it feels vulnerable and weird – feelings that I never truly experienced until recently. I’ve always, always been such a “heart on my sleeve” kind of person. I’m an open book and I have always liked that about myself. I still do, I’ve just become a little more guarded. I think it’s a good thing… I’m just working on finding the right balance.

I won’t make promises anymore regarding my “big ideas”. If I have them, ya know, I’ll just… execute them. There’s a big idea! I’m usually 4-5 steps ahead of myself when it comes to how inspired I feel. This is usually coffee induced excitement. I run to my blog and “shout it from the rooftops”, and then, well you know. You don’t hear from me for a month.

I will tell you what I want to do and what I hope to do: write, photograph, and document life with reckless abandon. It may be boring, imperfect, and unworthy of an audience. It may be a picture of something that someone else has already taken a similar picture of a thousand times. My thoughts and feelings may be repetitive and they will surely not be mind boggling genius. But they will be mine. I don’t have time to take a backseat to other people who are “doing it better” anymore. So keep an eye out on this space. No promises.. but I hope to be around more.

thoughts on